Skipping Steps

I have a problem with wanting to skip steps and make things happen.  This problem has led me to create many unpleasant situations for myself over the years.  When I want something in life I want it NOW, and I try and rush to the finish line--often wreaking havoc in my life along the way.  I can tell when the Lord is trying to work something out in me because I usually encounter a similar situation over and over, much to my annoyance.  The message I've been getting loud and clear over the past year--which has been magnified even more the past couple of weeks--is SLOW DOWN.  Be patient.  Trust Me.  This is completely infuriating, and yet I'm finding myself slowly yielding and becoming more peaceful.  A little.  I've even been stuck  behind people going a good 10 miles below the speed limit (which makes me insane) every single day on the way to work for the past two weeks.  The first week of this I fumed and arrived at work irritated and tense everyday.  I yelled "GOOOOOO!!!" a lot in my car.  This week I've just been turning up the music or NPR and relaxing.  Patience--okay, I get it Lord.  You can stop with the annoying slow people now.  I even had a doctor--who's been such a blessing and a help to me--tell me today to stop trying to rush through the treatment I've been receiving from him, that it will take some time.  Ha! 


I don't have to tell you again that I'm feeling impatient about adoption stuff.  (See the impatience blog post from a couple of weeks ago.)  I want to see progress NOW!!!  We have chosen our agency, we are excited and ready to go.  The only thing holding us back from getting started is money, and that makes me crazy.  I'm feeling crazy because most of my stuff on eBay isn't selling, and no one wants to buy the couch we've posted three times on CraigsList in the past week.  I know that my need to control things stems from fear; fear that I won't get what I want unless I force it to happen according to my timing. Now I'm afraid that Ethiopia will close to international adoptions before we get our babies home.  I'm afraid we won't be able to raise the money needed to fund our adoption and we'll be scrambling a year from now, desperately trying to find the money to finish the process.  I'm just afraid. 


As I work through this issue, the Lord keeps bringing to mind how He's displayed His faithfulness in my life.  A year ago there was a job I desperately wanted, and had wanted for a long time, at my company.  Despite some difficult circumstances I was chosen for the job, and it's been a huge blessing.  Jon was unemployed for 6 months and there were definitely many times when it seemed like he would never work again.  A few weeks after he lost his job I felt like the Lord told me it would be 6 months until he had a new one.  I kind of put it on the back burner--6 months seemed like an eternity and I didn't want to accept that it would take that long.  On January 12, 6 months to the day after Jon had lost his job, I woke up and told God, "okay, today it's 6 months.  You said 6 months and I'm holding you to it. It's go time."  Jon found out that day that he'd been chosen for an absolutely amazing job, which he now loves.  Two years ago I dreamt that my dad had a heart attack and died in my arms.  I knew the dream was a warning from the Lord and I began to pray daily for my dad's life to be spared.  A few months after the dream my dad had a massive heart attack, and yet his life was spared.  God is gloriously, ridiculously faithful.  He delights in His children and longs to fill our lives with good things.  He follows through.  He will follow through with His calling on our lives to adopt from Ethiopia.  He will provide the money and we will bring our children home according to His perfect timing.  I just need to trust Him.  And be patient.


Because I know blog posts are incredibly boring without something fun to look at, here's a sweet video that was made by a family who's using our agency: